We all know what self talk is right? It is the continual chatter you have in your mind and this self talk really matters.
In fact, if you’re not happy with what you’re seeing in your external world, then you need to go to work on your internal world. I have seen a few parents who provide homeschooling to their kids by downloading sheets such as the difference between then vs than also tell their children to do the same to build confidence and improve their grammar.Now that may seem a little hooky pooky to you, but have you ever stopped and listened to the words you speak to yourself with?
Before we get into cleaning up your inner dialogue, I want to tell you a little story about my professional snowboard career.
When I started out snowboarding and watched some of the sponsored pro’s, I thought I could be just as good as them.. if not better. I founded this belief and made it pretty unshakable and low and behold, opportunities started to open up and I became a fully sponsored professional snowboarder.
This awesome carrer all came crashing down quickly in late 2001 early 2002 but it provided a very valuable lesson. The self talk we use to ourselves matters.. Actually it mattes greatly.
I found myself continually saying that “I sucked” and it probably got even worse. These words actually became a reflection of myself and I did start to suck… I couldn’t land any tricks, I’d still go off big cliffs and doing tricks off immensely large kickers (jumps) which became very dangerous when I lost my belief and ability to visualise what I was doing.. this ended with some pretty harsh injuries suchs as a compression fracture of T-12 (my back), then numoerous other injuries and finally quitting the sport I loved.
See, I slowly destroyed my career becuase I planted a diseased (but complete bullshit) seed in my mind and let it grow. Below I want to share a blog post by my Canadian friend Yuri Elkaim on self-talk with you. Yuri discusses some of the self dialogue that needs to be cleaned up. This negative self talk has no place what so ever in your life and it could be the ‘simple’ thing that is self sabotaging your results.
Why Self-Talk Matters
Whether it be in sports or everyday life, one of the tried and tested LAWS is that you become what you think about.
But part of what you think about it is HOW you talk to yourself and specifically WHAT you say to yourself.
I call this SELF-TALK
The reason for writing this post today is because I dont care what your goal is: losing weight, running a 5k, putting on muscle, being a competitive athlete, or even being a stay-at-home mom
The simple fact of the matter is that you will become a reflection of how you talk to yourself.
And in this post I want to share 5 BIG negative self-talk phrases that you MUST erase from your vocabulary immediately.
Otherwise, these words will slowly (but surely) poison your mind and shape who you are as a person much like weather does to a rock over a time.
Self-Talk NO-NO #1 Im so stupid
This is a biggie.
Please, never ever ever ever ever ever ever (ok you get the point) .
Tell yourself that you are stupid.
Perhaps you did something that was stupid but that does not mean that YOU are stupid.
You must be able to externalize (or objectify) certain situations so that you dont relate them with who you are as a person.
Doing something idiotic (like setting a car on fire ok thats a pretty extreme example) simply means thatwhat you did was stupid.
So instead of saying, Im so stupid, you may want to consider saying What I did was stupid but thats not who I am.
See the subtle difference?
Your self-image and self-esteem as so fragile and so important that you have to do whatever you can to keep them intact.
Similarly, failing a test in school does not mean you are stupid. This is often seen in kids who believe that they are not smart because they dont get good grades.
I say thats complete and utter crap, especially considering how ridiculously close-minded our educational system is.
You are MORE than your actions.
Self Talk NO-NO #2 I cant do it
First off, yes you can!
And second, whos talking here? Most likely your lower self that wants to keep you safe, comfortable, and protect (I mean prevent) you from growing.
If youve ever done a workout and found yourself saying this to yourself, then thats where having a trainer (or me on your headphones) can make a world of a difference.
Because when you are pushed to actually do the thing you had told yourself you cant do
A whole new world of possibilities opens up.
Look at the show Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition
Heres a show where trainer Chris Powell (awesome guy, by the way) helps morbidly obese people lose hundreds of pounds in just one year!
As you can imagine, when someone goes from 500 lbs to 200 lbs in just one year, they become a new person.
Their whole outlook on life changes and they see themselves completely differently too. They will never tell themselves I cant do it ever again.
Instead, they will always have the reference point of having lost HUNDREDS of pounds so, in comparison, nothing else really seems that tough.
You can do it!
Self Talk NO-NO #3 Im too (whatever)
Im too old, too you young, too skinny, too fat, etc .
These are statements that essentially say the exact same thing
That you are not good enough according to what you think is the norm.
And thats not true.
I was guilty of this self-talk phrase when pursuing pro soccer.
After all, I was 23 when I went to Europe, which in the soccer world can be considering way to old to sign pro.
But it took a lot of hard work, introspection, and a commitment for me to NEVER use that as an excuse.
Instead, I focused on how my maturity added value experience, leadership, focus, etc
You are good enough to be and do whatever you want
Dont let anyone tell you otherwise. And if they do, just tell them Ill be knocking on their door!
Self Talk NO-NO #4 Im so tired
If you tell yourself that you are tired, then guess what?
You will feel tired.
Even if you are legitimately tired, you dont need to constantly tell your mind that you are. Otherwise, you will become a person who is ALWAYS tired.
If becomes part of who you are.
Ive got a lot of firsthand experience with this one as my dads side of the family is always saying how tired they are.
Its amazing how so many can be so tired. Goes to show you the power of proximity and your environment.
Its no wonder I spend very little time with them I get tired just hearing about how tired they are.
If you want more energy then act as if.
Stand up tall, shoulders back and down, breathe deeply and fully, smile, and tell yourself that you have tons of energy.
This is especially powerful during sporting events and workouts where you are not feeling up to snuff. But the key is that you must believe it!
Obviously, youll want to eat a high energy diet and exercise regularly but you get the point.
Remember, if you resist changing the way you talk to yourself theres probably a reason for that
A secondary gain that you are getting for being tired. Something you may want to think about.
Self Talk NO-NO #5 This (negative event) always happens to me
If bad things seem to happen to you, then stop inviting them into your life.
That may sound harsh but I believe it to be true.
We are 100% RESPONSIBLE for everything that happens to us. And until you can claim and accept responsibility for everything in your life, then you will always be a victim to external circumstances
Which robs your personal power and plummets your self-esteem.
If something negative happens to you DO NOT say I told you so or this always happens to me because those statements simply reflect the fact that you are anticipating something terrible to happen.
Its self-sabotage thinking.
On the other hand, if something great happens in your life, then you MUST claim responsibility for it. Dont attribute it to luck because, again, doing so means that you are attributing external forces to controlling your life.
So, good or bad, take full responsibility (but dont blame yourself) for your life.
No one likes hanging around the poor me victim.
Be a leader. Be a person that creates what you want in life.
Sure, some things wont work out but thats fine
Learn from them, adjust your approach, and move forward.
Who you are today is a reflection of the thoughts youve been thinking, the actions youve taken, and the words that have been coming out of your mouth!
A famous quote by someone I cant remember once said something like Would you hang out with you if you spoke to yourself the way you do?
And that my friends is the power of self-talk!
You can see this blog post and Yuri’s site here